The Marriage Puzzle Pt.1
Marriage is complicated. Some of it we can control and much of it we cannot. Joining hearts and lives, futures and finances, and hopes and dreams with another person sounds magnificent but how it plays out so often feels like a battle.
There’s a whole unseen realm to marriage that most of us aren’t aware of; we just see the explosions that are set off when parts of the concealed get triggered.
We are giving up on our marriages. Giving up on ourselves. Giving up on each other. The pain and disappointment, the failed attempts to fix things, the seemingly insurmountable obstacles. It’s like there is this marriage code we aren’t able to crack. So we take that to mean the love’s been lost, an irredeemable mistake has been made, or we don’t possess the tools to do marriage well.
We’ve hurt each other over and over again in this sacred relationship, and if we don’t make solid repairs to where there has been destruction, the connection keeps getting weaker and weaker while love grows colder and colder. And sometimes the damage can cause such deep cracks in the foundation that the marriage might not have anything left to be repaired.
That doesn’t always have to be the case. Marriages can be healed. Connections can be revived. The hope for a future together can be restored. You and your partner can walk a path that takes you out of the disastrous minefield and into a place of safety, understanding, and love.
Marriage researchers and couples therapists like John Gottman and Sue Johnson have created paths that couples can take to get out of destructive relationship cycles. They have taken the best of attachment research, neuroscience, and observation; combining these forces to form the science of relationship, providing couples with the tools and insights they need to recover from betrayals, heal disconnection, and recapture shared dreams.
In the upcoming weeks I am going to share a few pieces that will help you and your partner to start putting together the marriage puzzle. While you wait for next week’s post, take a few minutes to watch a two minute YouTube video of Gottman’s Horsemen of the Apocolypse: Criticism, Contempt, Defensiveness, and Stonewalling.
If you watch the short video and see yourself and your partner’s dynamics, but know you won’t be able to see yourselves out of the patterns, seek out a competent couple’s therapist who utilizes a well-researched program like The Gottman Method or Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy (EFT).
Dive Deeper…
Our Marriage Enrichment Course explores connection and attachment within marriage. Learn more about the course by clicking the button below.
