Holiday Advice 2024: You do You

I think the healthiest and most sustainable perspective heading into our holiday season and family gatherings is to remember that you are in charge of you.  And that’s about all you can control.

You can’t control the goofy characters that are part of your family and will want to stir the pot and create chaos and drama.  It’s what they do. Maybe it’s because of what I do for a living, but I can’t think of one family that doesn’t have dysfunctional dynamics and certain individuals who perpetuate the dysfunction more than others. With recent current events that have been very dramatic and very divisive, it’s foolish to think the less principled members of your family won’t bring it to holiday gatherings.  In light of that, here are few anchors to consider so you can make the most of precious time with family.

1)     You are in control of you. That’s good news. You aren’t a victim. You have choices to step out of the room, take a walk, shorten your visit, text/call a friend, etc. You also have voice. You can set some limits and make it clear certain topics aren’t of interest to you at a holiday gathering.

2)     If it’s classic family dynamics stuff, count on someone trying to throw you off center and agitate you. It’s textbook for families at holidays and now amplified with current events.  Be on the lookout and don’t take the bait.  Choose not to engage and do not let yourself be pulled into the toxic chaos and splitting.

3)     Live into love. Love wins. Love conquers all. Anticipate which family members won’t be principled and don’t expect reciprocity for your kindness and patience.  This is for you and your sanity, peace of mind, and integrity.

4)     Keep in mind that agreement is not the goal of communication.  We communicate for connection and understanding.  Many people are confused and think we can’t connect (or have safety) if we don’t agree. You won’t be able to change others’ minds about this (or many other things), but you need to know this going into holiday gatherings so you can hold your lines and stay in peace.

5)     Focus on the good and beautiful about your loved ones and being together.  Play games. Look at photo albums. Tell stories. Go on a family hike. Toss the football. Plan activities with the little kids and teenagers. Smile lots.

6)     These suggestions are supernatural. You’ll need God’s help to live into them. Consider this prayer by St  Francis of Assisi:

Lord, make me an instrument of your peace:
where there is hatred, let me sow love;
where there is injury, pardon;
where there is doubt, faith;
where there is despair, hope;
where there is darkness, light;
where there is sadness, joy.
O divine Master, grant that I may not so much seek
to be consoled as to console,
to be understood as to understand,
to be loved as to love.
For it is in giving that we receive,
it is in pardoning that we are pardoned,
and it is in dying that we are born to eternal life.