Searching for Meaning
I got a phone call last October from a friend I hadn’t spoken to for at least 10 years. Her college age son was tanking; drugs, depression, failing grades. So I helped the family find the help they needed.
And then I didn’t hear from her again. Then last week- another call- this time with way more panic. Things are much worse- or maybe what’s surfacing is revealing how bad things really are.
I get phone calls like this from time to time. People think of me in darker moments. I am honored. They reach out. I listen. I rarely have answers. Usually it isn’t answers they are looking for, they just need to hear themselves think and find a strategy to get through the next month, week, or 24 hours.
Except in that conversation from last week I broke from my typical role as the friend who listens well and instead, after lots of listening, I spoke up and surprised myself with what came out of my mouth. Here’s the gist:
Our secular culture is failing our kids. (And I’m pissed.)
That’s what I realize when I hear stories of kids who have so much . . . intact families, hard working parents, great educations, parents who have invested in their talents and abilities, material needs met, et. al. . . . struggling with suicidal thoughts, depression, and feeling like life has no value and meaning. (Life’s super complicated and multiple factors come into play with mental health so please don’t hear me oversimplifying. I just want to emphasize one aspect.)
Here’s what I think: When we separate our lives from the divine- from this idea that we were created by a being greater than ourselves, for a purpose greater than ourselves- we fall into a hole of existential void and meaninglessness. (Thinking of Sartre and his play No Exit.)
Our culture promises us that if we work hard to develop our minds and our talents and we grind out a good living that provides for all of our material needs, we’ll find happiness. We’re taught contentment lies just up ahead, right around the corner, as we strive to develop our intellect and talents, as we accumulate achievement, recognition, and material stuff. It’s a lie. There is no pot of gold at the end of this rainbow.
Viktor Frankl, Holocaust survivor and author of one of my favorite books, Man’s Search for Meaning, wrote, “Ever more people today have the means to live, but no meaning to live for.” Exactly.
Our kids don’t have Frankl’s words for it, but they sense it. They sense something’s lacking, they just can’t put their finger on it. So they look for it in experiences. They might look to achievement. Or they might look to experimenting with potentially addictive substances and risky behaviors- just to see if they can find meaning and life. They are simply searching for a something - a spark- that lets them know they are fully alive. They know something’s missing.
Here’s the deal. If they never know that they are part of the divine. If they never learn that they have been infused with purpose by a Creator. If they keep on hearing that this universe was created out of some weird explosion and life’s completely random, and they are completely random, then they will struggle to lock into purpose and an awareness of their destiny.
They’ll be vulnerable to the abundant traps and distractions and false promises the media and culture set in their paths. And our kids will try anything to get rid of the feelings of hopelessness and meaninglessness. They’ll try anything.
Parenting our kids well means we prepare our kids for life. Leading our kids toward achievement and showing them how to be good people is really important. But it isn’t enough.
Our kids need to know they have inherent worth and value – that they are part of a bigger picture- that they are made in the image of their Creator who has big dreams and purposes for their lives. Our kids need to come out of darkness and into Light. However you convey and display this- and maybe this means you have to set out on a search of your own – helping your kids to find meaning in their lives creates a root system that will keep them from being toppled over by the infinite storms life blows their way. Anchors.
This goes along with what Frankl emphasizes-- the crucial impact knowing there is meaning to one’s life has on one's capacity to survive life’s challenges. He said, “Life is never made unbearable by circumstances, but only by lack of meaning and purpose.” We are spirit, soul, and body. Meaning and purpose develop when we move past the material to the divine.
Wherever you are on your own spiritual journey- I wish you the best- and I encourage you to invite your kids to join you; You’ll be giving them the gift of finding their meaning in a world that wants them to think there is none. And with that, you'll be providing them with anchors for life that will out live your presence here on this planet. What a gift.
As always, thanks for reading-
Lanie (NCC, Mom of 5)
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