Spaces to Know
Do you ever find yourself absolutely lost? Buried by your schedule because there just aren’t enough pauses? Underwater. Weary from taking care of so many people in your world, but not really able to get yourself what you need to get back to center. I’m sort of there- but this week I actually broke through the surface and have come up from air.
It’s been four weeks since school has started. That’s how long it has taken me to adjust to the new demands. Soccer practices. Therapy appointments. Rides to golf. Homework. IEP meetings. Homeschooling 1.5 of the kids (yeah, don’t ask;-). Pre-school shuttling. Running the practice. And on and on.
So with this schedule and these demands, and the ups & downs of life happening, and these people I take care of (both those I made and those who seek me for help), I can get lost pretty fast. It’s been taking forever to find any sort of routine that make my life work.
And to me, getting lost looks like a little girl in a sweeping forest, where she can see the light and the opening, but she can’t quite find the path because it’s way overgrown.
However, she’s been here before so she knows what she needs to do to get back to freedom, to Light, and to expansive space.
1. Slow Down. Connect. First thing is I have to find a place to step off of the spinning wheel- most times I just dive off. Either way a crash is coming, right? I find the courage to take about a week and minimize my expectation of what needs to be done. (With five kids, my week of less still has plenty on the plate- but less is at least something.)
Taking a week to create spaces gives me a chance to get oxygen. In catching my breath I get back in touch with my authentic self and remember my top values and priorities. It’s so easy to fast track through my weeks without any purpose or intention. When I do this, I can’t really hear still small Voice in my heart that reminds me of what matters most.
When I can catch my breath and the spinning stops, I also have some very real conversations with the friends and mentors who love me enough to be honest with me. I get their input and adjust my life accordingly.
2. Personality. I take time remember my enneagram(5) and my Myers Briggs(INFP- Same type as Mr. Rogers and Shakespeare!). I will even retake them just to make sure I’m wired the same way as the last time I took the tests. From there I make space for my optimal function, giving myself permission to seek solitude like a thirsty desert traveler seeks out water. Where I tend to sacrifice my sacred spaces because family needs seem more urgent, I regroup and reorganize my days, one day at a time, around getting my essential needs met, based on the input of friends (and assessment instruments).
3. Eliminate Nonessentials. Last week, with the help of a friend and the husband, I laid out the schedule for me and the five kids and I determined what’s most essential, making some decisions about what isn’t. Chances to be together as a family are becoming more and more important to me as the oldest approaches graduation. So I said NO to a few of the kids’ activity requests. Dreams may have been dashed, but at least I will be less frazzled and a happier mom. On the days I work, I decided that instead of trying to squeeze in clients in the afternoons, I would only see clients after 4:00. I also lined up a house cleaning service.
I do feel guilt about certain aspects of each of these decisions, but I also see that all of them will improve our pacing and give all seven of us more space. I’ve been a mom for over seventeen years and have learned that decisions I make that are led by an attempt to avoid feeling guilty end up being the ones that wear me thin. I am finding relief and breath in the simplification.
This poem best explains what I am trying to do . . . and most likely, if you live in America, what you need to consider doing as well . . .
What makes a fire burn
is space between the logs,
a breathing space.
Too much of a good thing,
too many logs
packed in too tight
can douse the flames
almost as surely
as a pail of water would.
So building fires
requires attention
to the spaces in between,
as much as to the wood.
When we are able to build
open spaces
in the same way
we have learned
to pile on the logs,
then we can come to see how
it is fuel, and absence of the fuel
together, that make fire possible
We only need to lay a log
lightly from time to time.
A fire
grows
simply because the space is there,
with openings
in which the flame
that knows just how it wants to burn
can find its way.
Dive Deeper…
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