Attachment & God (pt 2)
Scripture
“At noon, darkness came over the whole land until three in the afternoon. And at three in the afternoon Jesus cried out in a loud voice, ‘Eloi, Eloi, lema sabachthani?’ (which means ‘My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?’)” -Mark 15:33-34, emphasis added
“God, my God! Why would you abandon me now? Why do you remain distant, refusing to answer my tearful cries in the day and my desperate cries for your help in the night? I can’t stop sobbing. Where are you, my God?” -Psalm 22:1-2, TPT, emphasis added
“Surely I have calmed and quieted my soul; Like a weaned child [resting] with his mother, My soul is like a weaned child within me [composed and freed from discontent].” -Psalms 131:2, AMP
Attachment: God's Idea
I’m grateful for the opportunity to build on last week’s concepts. Thankfully I can move away from the technical language and use this week’s space to make this concept of attachment with God come alive for you.
In Part One, we came to an understanding of God’s blueprint for attachment and how it is a pre-installed survival system for the family. The parents have their own love bonds with one another, and the child shares a love bond with each parent. When lived into well, each member has the powerful capacity to experience the strengthening of heart that comes from deep connection while also becoming a light to the world.
Attachment and marriage therapy experts Sue Johnson and Kenny Sanderfer write, “We now know that love is, in actuality, the most compelling survival mechanism of the human species.” Attachment grows our identities and builds resilience and also forms our thoughts and determines what we pay attention to. Our Creator designed us to be connected in love through bonding and attachment. It leads to an internal sense of protection, safety, and emotional wholeness.
What happens when children experience deprivation and abandonment? In the worst-case scenarios, they die. Researcher Thomas Lewis writes, "Feed and clothe a human infant but deprive him of emotional contact he will die."
When we are deprived of emotional safety through connectedness, we develop a damaged view of self and others. An infant without secure attachment (love) comes to the conclusion that she is bad, flawed, damaged, and not allowed to exist. She’ll grow to live out these assumptions, experiencing the world and relationships in ways that reinforce the lies that she’s flawed, worthless, and the world and others are not safe and able to be trusted.
Although I know that moving toward God into attachment is a one-step process, I also know that it’s a step of risk and vulnerability. It’s scary. What if I reach out and He doesn’t respond? What if I bring Him my pain and He’s not accessible? How do I even start to engage with Him on this, and does He truly love me enough to engage with me?
I want to assure you that it’s in God’s heart, nature, and plan of redemption to restore your attachment to Him. As I’ve been preparing for these writings, a powerful image has emerged from a place deep within my heart. Slow down your reading speed and try to hang with me for a while.
With the help of Johnson and Sanderfer, we’ve established that safe and secure attachment occurs through emotional connection and responsiveness. Basic behaviors of attachment include:
our experiencing emotional and physical closeness,
our having someone responsive we can reach for when we are scared or upset,
our having someone we miss when we are apart, and
our having someone we can count on to be there for us when we go out into the world.
Now, it’s imperative you do not fly through this next part. Invite Holy Spirit to help you meditate on Jesus and His connection to His Father.
Take some time to think through the Gospels and Jesus’ rhythms of prayer and intimacy.
Do you remember some of the things He said to His disciples?
In John 10, Jesus declares, “I and the Father are one (John 10:30, emphasis added).” He goes on to say, “But if I do them, even though you do not believe me, believe the works, that you may know and understand that the Father is in me, and I in the Father” (John 10:38, emphasis added).’
Going further in John to 14, Jesus shares, “Do you not believe that I am in the Father and the Father is in me? The words that I say to you I do not speak on my own authority, but the Father who dwells in me does his works. Believe me that I am in the Father and Father is in me …” (John 14:10-11a, ESV, emphasis added). He explains, “I came from the Father and have come into the world, and now I am leaving the world and going to the Father” (John 16:28, ESV, emphasis added). And when He tells the disciples they will scatter and leave Him, He states, “Yet I am not alone, for the Father is with me” (John 16:32b, ESV, emphasis added).
Now go back up to the bullet points about the behaviors of attachment: It’s clear Jesus existed in the fullness of attachment to His Father.
Yet in the stages leading up to and through His excruciating death (His passion), Jesus gave up this beautiful and intimate attachment relationship. He gave up His secure base and safe haven— the shalom that comes from abiding.
His agony is first revealed in Gethsemane: However, an intense feeling of great sorrow plunged his soul into agony. And he said to them, ‘My heart is overwhelmed and crushed with grief. It feels as though I’m dying. Stay here and keep watch with me‘ (Matthew 26:37b-38, TPT). Yet even after multiple bids for them to be present with Him in His overwhelming and crushing grief, they did not respond. Desertion.
Not only was Jesus abandoned and betrayed by many of his disciples as they feared for their lives, He also lost the felt presence of his Father (Matthew 27:46). Deprivation.
I will not be able to do any justice to the pain Jesus felt in the absence of His Father. Words cannot express it. Just know that desertion and deprivation of loving connection kills infants. Existing without attachment is death—a deep chasm of dark nothingness in the heart of the soul. Coldness in the absence of love’s warmth—the worst pain a soul can know.
Prior to His passion, Jesus had lived in perfect connection and intimacy with His Father. However, when he endured His passion, He forsook that connection because that was your pathway to an intimate bonding relationship with your Father.
You can rest assured that Christ suffered the deepest agony of existence so that you could experience the most abundant joy a human can know—your Creator’s loving acceptance, connection, and presence. His love made attachment to God a one-step process that’s renewable moment by moment. This is something you can live in right now. You don’t need more inner-healing to experience what I’m sharing with you today. This isn’t a concept that can only be attained by going to a conference for a special impartation or reading another book. Jesus has already established this pathway for you. Trust that His suffering was enough, and the vision of your abiding and intimate connection with His Father was “the joy set before him” (Hebrews 12:2). He drank the cup of suffering and stayed nailed to the cross because He wanted to make a way for His Father to be your safe haven and secure base—your shalom. You experiencing the safety of being the beloved, now and throughout eternity.
Lord, this all makes so much sense. I can feel my longing to live intimately connected to You and to be fully enveloped by Your love. Hurts, disappointments, and my own experiences of desertion and deprivation have impacted my sense of being safe and secure in all of Your love. Jesus, You have already established the pathway for attachment (abiding). Restore me in the places of brokenness with Your felt presence. Draw me to Yourself as I trust You to stay present in the full expression of my emotions. Meet me in this new place of feeling, risking, and coming to You with all of the expressions of my heart. Jesus, help me to trust You.
Dive Deeper…
Our course on attachment explores the concept of attachment with God. Learn more about the course by clicking the button below.