Kids, Soul Care & Covid-19
As the school year has gone on and cases of Covid-19 rise its impact on the hearts of our children becomes more apparent. While at first, with March’s spring closures of school, and parents’ coming home to work, the hearts of many of our children came alive as they were able to experience more time in nature, just be kids, and enjoy time with family.
That narrative has made a difficult turn for our society and especially, our children. They are in masks for most of their days while at school. The familiar ways of learning have been shelved in order to lessen the spread of germs, making way for learning on screens whether they are being educated at school, or from home. In addition, the kids sense the heaviness we adults carry. Fear of the unknown. Division in our communities. Uncertainty about the economy. Sadness about what our holidays are going to look like this year. What-ifs about when, if ever, normal will return.
We can’t shield and shelter our children from what’s going on. They see it. Feel it. Hear about it. Live it. However, we can do our best to meet them where they are and care for their hearts. In the blogs to come, we will be sharing what we know and what we can do to support our kids in really hard times.
If we could only give you ONE tool for navigating this time with your kids, no matter what their ages, it would be helping you to create and maintain secure attachment.
This means making the changes you need to make to be and do for your kids what they need you to do and be. Their future mental health, sense of God, and attributions about the safety of this world and relationships are attached to how we respond to them and who we are to them in the here and now.
WHAT IS A SECURE ATTACHMENT?
Secure attachment, most simply put, is children experiencing their caregivers as both the secure base and the safe haven they need. It means parents develop routines and create spaces to make time together opportunities for connection and care. Meal times, bed time routines, departures, and arrivals home are all significant points of contact in the day. Home and the people at home are a safe haven, a place of safety and protection that allows for rest, recovery, nurturing, and connection.
WHAT DOES ATTACHMENT DO FOR OUR CHILDREN?
Secure attachment makes a world of difference in the entire life span of our children. Children with secure attachments grow into adults who develop trusting and lasting relationships, have empathy, are able to share feelings, and seek out social support. (To learn more about attachment styles and how compromised attachments affects children into adulthood go to https://www.verywellmind.com/attachment-styles-2795344)
HOW DOES ATTACHMENT RELATE TO SOUL CARE FOR OUR CHILDREN?
Very briefly, here is what we are learning about this. In his book Renovated, Jim Wilder writes, “The only kind of love that helps the brain learn better character is attachment love. The brain functions that determine our character are most profoundly shaped by whom we love. Changing character, as far as the brain is concerned, means attaching in new and better ways . . . if the quality of our human attachments creates human character, is it possible that when God speaks of love, “attachment” is what God means?” Roughly translated, organized and reliable attachment leads to wholeness.
HOW TO DO THIS IN SUCH A CRAZY TIME
Right now, chaos and uncertainty define our daily lives. In order to be the secure bases and safe havens our children need, we have to make sure we are receiving the things necessary for our own well-being. How do we do this when the demands on us seem to increase by the day? While everyone’s situation is somewhat different, the crisis surrounding Covid-19 creates commonalities for many of us including working from home while simultaneously schooling our kids from home, adjusting our holiday traditions, fearing the virus and its impact, and experiencing strains in important relationships.
Our best suggestion is to simplify what’s possible to simplify and lower productivity expectations.
Learn what it is you need to thrive so that you can make it through these challenges. The goal isn’t perfectly attached and attuned parenting; it’s simply to adjust a few things so that you can be more present throughout the day and in new ways. Ironically, the starting point for this might look like reaching out to mentors and encouragers in your life so that they can be YOUR safe place and secure base. It might look like making time for your hobbies, or fitness preferences. For some of you, it could even look like doing some of your own soul care and gaining new coping skills so YOU can get to a place of greater stability and security in the midst of all of this.
We at Soul Care Place want to support you. We’re going to start a weekly (for 3 weeks) ZOOM call for parents on Mondays at 8pm starting November 30th and running through December 14th. Contact us for more details.
We are also going to be running virtual groups for kids. If you are interested, reach out and we’ll get you the information.
Dive Deeper…
Our course on attachment explores the concept of secure attachment. Learn more about the course by clicking the button below.
