Rediscovered Treasures

I recently had a conversation with a friend, one that I have had with quite a few clients and friends over the years. It’s about friendship.  Friendships that no longer feed the soul and are no longer sources of life and light.  Friendships that might be one-sided and/or feel like a lot of work,  where there isn’t very much return on investment.

And pretty much anytime I have these conversations, people are looking to me to tell them if there is something innately wrong that they are feeling this way. They are asking these questions and processing these friendship cycles with me, typically blaming themselves that the life and energy for the relationship has waned. In reality, maybe no one is to blame, rather there has been a natural shift. Regardless, I seem to hit the same three principles in these conversations.  I want to share them with you:

1) Prayerfully Consider Your Friendships (Take a minute to get quiet and centered. Then ask for wisdom in answering the following questions).

·      Who belongs in your closest most intimate circles? These would be relationships that possess a level of reciprocity.  They bring energy, life, and joy to your and your friend's world. There is a healthy give and take.

·      At the same time, who needs to be repositioned?  Which people require a lot of work or bring a lot of tension?  How much interaction and closeness do you want to have with them? How much energy do you actually have for these individuals?

2) Clean Up. If the above action was taking everything out of the cupboard and sorting it, then this step looks more like deep cleaning.

·      Are there any relationships where something difficult needs to be addressed or a misunderstanding needs cleaning up?  These are situations where you sense disconnect and tension but the relationship possesses enough history and value that you want to do the hard work to restore connection.  As hard as these conversations can be, they are always worth having.

3) Upstream and Downstream and Side by Side.  I’m stealing this one from a good friend of mine. She shared that she intentionally keeps three people in her life.  Each person is positioned in a different place. 

·      Upstream- This is a person who is ahead on the life path; someone with wisdom from life experience who wants to be a guide in your journey. This is where you try to find a winner and you want to be a student.

·      Downstream-   Form a relationship with someone you can support, guide, and mentor.  These types of relationships are one-sided in a good way and bring much needed meaning to your life.  This is one of the fastest ways that your dealt with pain can all of the sudden grow to have purpose.

·      Side by Side- Embrace a person (or people) at the same place in the life path where the relationship is reciprocal in nature.  These are the people who are typically in a similar life stage where you cheer one another on as you discover how to successfully navigate your current season.

Taking the time to sort and repair our friendships can be similar to a spring clean where, in light of the labor required, we rediscover lost treasures. In this case, although we might have to do the difficult work of hard conversations, or grieve the pain of a broken connection, we also have the opportunity to rediscover and prioritize the treasures that make life so rich.   I encourage you to make repairs where you can and to spend time with the rediscovered treasures in your life.

Dive Deeper…

Our course on attachment explores the concept of attachment with others, along with other topics. Learn more about the course by clicking the button below.