Remember Your Wins
Don't forget to remember to celebrate your victories.
I don't know about you, but I definitely find my head space making more pathways toward the spaces in my world that reveal the failings in my life and the places where things are less than perfect. For example, when I wake up in the middle of the night, my mind doesn't immediately wander to the successes - the blessings - the small achievements that make up my everyday life. Typically, when left to itself, my mind takes me to the crevasses in my head that remind me of where I suck, fall short, and how "life's not working out as planned." Lies. I think about the books I haven't read to my kids. I wonder about whether or not my husband and I raising our kids right. I worry about our future and whether or not the risks we've taken to "be there" for the kids will bear fruit. I beat myself up over the mistakes I have made in relationships and get stuck thinking about the conflicts. That's my mind left to itself: Telling me I'm not enough- I don't do enough- I'll never be enough. My own mind could destroy me if I don't pay attention.
For the last six weeks or so, when I am out for a run, or have a moment of solitude, I keep hearing a whisper in my heart, calling me out of this self-sabotage, saying, "Count your wins." And so I start . . . and it's a lot like working out on a day where my body feels heavy and tired. It's hard to get started, but once I get going, I feel lighter and lighter.
One thing I have been doing in this process of counting my wins is looking back to where I was a year ago. Due to health issue, last year at this time I was unable to work out, sleep soundly, or function in my everyday roles. Makes for an easy benchmark. I committed to searching out and addressing root causes of the newly diagnosed autoimmune issue and tackling the effects of Lymes. Everything about how I did life had to change. Less striving. More rest. Less being over-responsible. More accessing resources. Less making the world about everyone else. More pulling back and creating spaces for me.
So my wins? I'll name a few of the overarching ones. I have learned the discipline of solitude and silence/breathing and meditation. I've returned to practicing gratitude. Those additions to my spirituality have been game changers (as long as I utilize the practices). I have also gained back my health and then some, contingent on my practicing the principles of clean eating, rhythms of rest, and being connected to my tribe (those who accept and delight in me 'as-is'). I made some hard but necessary changes to how our family does life and have found all of us enjoy each other more. I've started handling relationship conflict as it comes up- head on- in love- in spite of fear - and it's made for much stronger connections with those whom I love. And I’ve launched this tiny counseling practice, a dream I had been sitting on for a very long time, that’s finally in its infancy. I could go on and on, now that I’ve gotten started and the wins are easily coming to mind, but I won’t because this post is already way too long. I’m sure you get the point. Which is:
When left to itself, the mind will take you to the darker places in your life and remind you of who you are not, where you are imperfect, and how much you lack. Occasionally, some of those items need to be addressed but honestly, that negative feedback loop needs to be counteracted and have its butt kicked. I am finding the simplest, most direct way to destroy that cycle of negativity is to shift the inertia in the other direction by compiling your WIN column. Waking up . . . a win. Making your bed . . . a win. Hugging a loved one- making the hard phone call – keeping your head in the midst of chaos - walking the dog- buying groceries—WINS!
I wish you the best as you compile your wins. You’ll find out you are doing way better than you think.
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