Holiday Strategy
They are almost here. The family gatherings where we share memories and traditions, family trees and ancestors. How many of you are nervous about navigating the conversations that will happen over turkey, gravy, and football that then get recycled the next month over cookies, lights, and gifts?
With the difficult events of the past months and the splits in our nation that always make themselves most clear during elections, many of us approach the holidays tentatively – or at least we should.
In light of the divides in this nation, whose fissures inevitably make their way into family systems, each one of us as an individual needs to determine what’s most important when we meet with loved ones over these next six weeks. And we probably need to determine who we want to be and how we want to love before the festivities begin.
So here are a few principles to hold closely so that you can do your best to not be responsible for being the one who ruins a beautiful holiday gathering that a lot of people spent a lot of energy in travel and preparation:
1) Surrender your need for agreement. It’s not imperative that you be right and that your views are shared by everyone in the room. Holidays are not the setting for trying to set a relative straight on how to see things in the same light as you. Holidays are for celebrating the most beautiful aspects of our shared humanity and taking pause for connection.
2) Holidays are the setting for prioritizing connection and creating shared memories. What will you contribute to the day to do just that? Suggest a game? Bring crafts for the kids? Look at family photos from years past? Join the kids when the grownups get too serious?
3) Love wins. Both sides of the media divide seek to further the chasm amongst us because, well, getting people all riled up, keeps them glued to the screens. And keeping people glued to the screens means increased revenue from advertisers. However, nothing will confuse someone from a differing political position more than your love, kindness, and your heart to get to know them. Love possesses the power to disassemble the erroneous and dehumanizing schemata created by the talking heads. So love well and seek to get to know these people who share your family tree. (This principle also works in the reverse as you determine to remember that all of us are made in the image of our Creator- honor the shared humanity and look for the gold.)
I hope this helps. I am sure you will take this to heart and do your best to carry a new thoughtfulness and intention to you gatherings. BE WARNED: Others in your family won’t be so committed to connection (Shocker.) Every family has antagonists and another a-word that’s coming to mind . . . just determine ahead of time not to catch the ball when they toss it your way.
Enjoy your holidays! They have so many special moments to create beautiful memories with those you love.
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